A Boy and His Turd

Day With Damien- Day 07

“A Boy and his Turd”
June 6, 2000

Written by: Aleister Shiva
Last Friday, I was invited to a party over at Damiens house. Nothing out of the ordinary. It was a surprise birthday party for his buddy Stoney Stoned. (Stoney for short). As the night rolled on, quite a few friends showed up. And quite a bit of alcohol dissapeared. The music got louder and the beers went faster. It was the second time I had met Stoney. This time around, Stoney was a little cockier and felt the need to show his drinking skills. He was no match though.

As morning crept on, more and more people started to drop like flies. The next thing I knew it was about 4:30 AM. The last 4 standing were myself, Damien, Stoney, and Todd, who was still a little upset about his stripper from about a month ago. The next fly to drop would be Todd, who made a quick retreat to Damiens restroom to barf his brains out. One down, 3 to go.

During the commotion of Todds retreat, Stoney dissapeared. Damien and I hardly noticed that Stoney was missing, as we were engulfed in Jagermeister. The two of us traded the bottle, a few beers and some good memories. In our drunken slur, we finally noticed that Stoney was gone. So we stumbled around the pad looking for him. We both end up at the hallway bathroom door. The door is closed and there is no answer. In general concern for Stoney, we break into the bathroom. Only to find a boy and his turd.

For there on the floor, lays Stoney, his back towards us, pants around his ankles, with his shaved apricot-like nutsack hanging out between his legs, dried barf flowing from his mouth, and a turd on the toliet seat. Out of sheer enjoyment of this site, Damien ran to get a camera. Only to find, he had no film. So in a drunken stupor, with the sun coming up, Damien and I stumble down the block to the grocery store, where we grabbed some munchies and a roll of film. We make our way back, Stoney’s still in place. Damien attempts to load the camera with film. It’s amazing we can stand, let alone speak.

Suddenly, disaster strikes. Wasted Damien has lost all concept on film loading. So I, in my drunken wisdom, decide to take control. As Damien hands me the camera, with half the roll falling out, I decide to cut off the excess and start from scratch. The excess being about 2 feet of film. Needless to say, the film was never loaded. After approximately a half an hour and a few more shots, we both give up and pass out.

I woke up at about 10 AM on Damiens floor in his office still drunk, I decide that I am going to take a piss and go home. I go back into the hallway bathroom to find that Stoney is gone, but the turd remains. I have no idea what happened to him, but Damien and I KNEW what we saw. We were a little bummed that we couldn’t get a picture of a boy and his turd. So the only proof we have is our spoken word.